Quotes

Lois: You might want to replace this chaulk. I barely touched it and its falling apart. Jenny: Lois, if that is what you do to bus chaulk, I'd hate to know what Petey's looks like.
Jenny
2016
(All gather in the bus because it is raining) Erica: Where is Petey? Mike: He melted.
Mike
2016
Justin: I wasn't even an itch in my dad's pants. Jenny: You've always been an itch in your dad's pants.
Jenny
2016
That water had a penis unit? I have to drink it now. I love dick water!
Annie
2015
I feel like a bag of smashed assholes, I'm sure it will blow over soon.
Mike
2015
Baseline rage
Jenny
2015
Jenny: careful, it's attached to my finger. Go slow. Chris: you're vagina?
Chris
2015
Bar carder: you have a little powdered sugar on your chin. Jenny: thanks. We'll just call it powdered sugar.
Jenny
2015
There's a man inside of Wanker.
Annie
2015
And all the pretty girls think he's pretty fly for a John ____.
Chris
2015
Nobody wants to sit on a floppy.
To Annie's cute friend: "You're going to bed? How about I bring the fire to your room?" Later: "I refuse to eat your fudge until you come"
Mike
2015
No makin' babies in the parking lot.
This team is all dick and vaj jokes
Shit get out of here, you're under new management.
Jenny
2014
Lois: Your balls are rubbing on the ceiling Chris: Thanks Lois
Lois
2014
Mikey, I never doubted you for a moment (even with your frustrated spirit obviously hovering over your corporeal form in Waubeek and considering a turn toward The Light)! Those tender FB images of you reading stories to the James Gang: that’s no basis for allocating my limited short-term memory to an image of Mike James (and various related unspeakable depravities) as mid-July approaches. It was a non sequitar that my sole, lonely neuron in charge of mental processing simply could not abide. God-willing, now I’ll never have to. Bully for Blue Steel!
Clint
2013
Frodo: I'm glad my alter ego on Ragbrai is a rapist. Jenny: well you gotta pass the time somehow. Frodo: they gotta pass out sometime.
Fucking thunder warnings!
Jenny
2013
I outsource my hair growing. Some kid I China does it for me. Shit! I should have picked Venezuela instead of a country where they can't grow eyebrows.
Jenny
2013
...so much evidence...
2011
Jenny: You know Issac is a virgin. We should write on him. Annie: Is he religious?
Annie
2011
I woke up with semen in my vagina
Annie
2011
Shut up Amanda!
Joe
2010
My ass hurts and I broke the beerzooka
2010
When I get home, I'm going to take a shower, take a bath, then shower again. Then I will go to the other bathroom and do it all over again.
Abby
2010
That's what this team does. It makes you give up caring.
Mike
2010
Chris, I love your pepperoni nipples.
Annie
2010
Amanda, are you riding today? Amanda: Naw, I gave up riding early in the week.
Mike James murderer of: pickles, beer, Jen's vag, shit
Mike
2010
I feel like murdering shit
Mike
2010
Amanda: How far to the next town? Annie: 5-5.5 miles. Amanda: Mmmm, I've already committed to quitting.
Abby: Are you having fun? Jenny: Yes! I love to color!
Jenny
2008
The vagina will provide
Marc
2008
I like the cut of your jib. Smells like a dirt pile that's been fucked by a hobo.
2008
They can't even speak American!
2008
Cyclist: Get right! Jeff: Easy douche bag!
2008
Dede: I'm not sure we should let the drunk girls go in [Walmart]. Jenny: ABBY! RUN!
Jenny
2008
If you're not drinking, you'd better be pregnant.
Mike
2008
Abby, will you pee in my mouth
Erik
2007
I hope you can't lick your cock
Abby
2007
So Jenny, have you always had cankles?
Arun
2007
If it weren't for the fact that the ground hurts, I would be barefoot for like my entire life.
Jenny
2007
Talk to Mike James, he is the stuffing magician
Jenny
2006
Beth? We're you talking?
Pam
2005
Hey manda, come eat this shit. Where are you?!
Stripper smell = a sweaty old man, some kind of lilac, baby powder, and a hint of BO
I've never understood the term "blowjob." Isn't it more of a suckle and a lickle?
Pam: I really like his tan. Sex Kittens: Pam, he is black.
Bananas do not belong in asses.
Maybe she is squirting out all the cum she collected last night
A friend with weed is a friend indeed!
Joe is as dirty as a shower can clean
And to top it all off, there is a hole in my boxers that snags my nuts every time I stand up.
Oh Jenny, I'd have your baby too!
Apparently I am only supposed to have one penis in me at a time.
Jen's Vag: Smells like roses, tastes like bacon.
You get it wet enough, it comes out easily.
[Let me] feel your boobies
Pussy... It's what's for dinner
College guy? More like College GAY!
Peeing the bed is never a situation to be proud of.
I tried to eat a bug and puked.
Quit muff divin' the cheese puffs
That naked guy looks like he has a black cashmere sweater wrapped around his waste.
Don't touch that frog, it might be electric!
No, stay here, get very drunk, hit on minors, shit in yard, get punched in neck, sleep in port-o-potty.
They could've made the beast with two backs in my tent, with my right ear inches away from their thrusting pelvises, and I wouldn't have awakened... although I probably would've had a terrifying dream about a room full of geriatrics eating soup.
I'd rather shower with a drunk angry clown.
Mike James, you're going to die alone. You know that right?
I have a huge right brain. Ask me to figure a tip though and I'd have a seizure.
Mike: I'm going to put this pancake in my pocket. Abby: You can't put that in your pocket, it's got syrup on it!
Amanda gots a smoothie!